‘Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain… I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’ ‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’ What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate! I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.
As days go by I have been thinking more and more about what I’m going to do with this blog once I’m finished with everything. Results are: I have no idea.
Originally I had planned to put all my articles together and try and write a book about the last 2 years of my life. My personal growth, ideas, inspirations, pit falls, realisations… but now that the time has actually come to start thinking about that I have sorta lost the fire in my gut to make it happen.
I guess this is largely due to the fact that feel I have done a pretty good job at recording all them things in the actual posts themselves and I dont feel like making more work for myself if I can avoid it :P
I started this journey for a number of reasons.
One was, I didn’t want to be one of them people who regretted their past. By that I mean, I didn’t want to turn thirty and look back and think “what the hell have I done with the last 30 years of my life?!”. I want to turn 30 and think “Holeycrap Ive done alot for someone whos only thirty!” and I believe I have accomplished that. Not just with these meager 30 tasks, but they certainly kicked into gear to getting my shit together and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life.
Another reason was, I never want to be one of them people who dreads growing older. Those who know me know I have an old Dad. He will be 77 this year I think? or 76? Ahh I lost count… my point is that every birthday the dude has is a celebration! Never has he EVER said “nah no birthday this year we are just skipping it…” its always “SARAH MAKE ME A T-SHIRT WITH MY AGE ON IT SO I CAN START AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS WHEN I NOTICE PEOPLE READING IT!!” (so that actually did happen… he had a shirt made saying “I’m 74!” and LOVED when people asked him about it haha).
Every year is a blessing, every year is appreciated and never looked back upon with a “what the fuck did I DO with my time” sort of outlook. The man doesn’t stop actually :P
So with this goal in mind, I thought it would be a great way to ease me into my 30’s, something that I can look back and remember wonderful times through and enjoy little moments along the journey. I believe I have accomplished this also.
Yet another reason was, I NEVER finish what I start and I wanted to set myself goals I thought I could achieve.
I am the worst for finishing anything. THE WORST! I think this is mostly due to the fact that I am a commitmentphobe and also when I set goals… I usually make them epic. It’s always been “I WANT TO BE SKINNY!” not “I want to change my lifestyle” and with goals like that, as soon as you inevitably slip up you feel like you failed so whats the point in trying anymore. Setting realistic goals was the key and for the most part I think I did a good job at achieving results.
And one of the biggest reasons was, I wanted to change big flaws in my personality before becoming a mother.
For the last 3 years, I have known that I wanted to be a mum at some point. My mum and husband kept bringing it up so I told them they couldn’t bother me about it till after I turned 30. This gave me some time to sort out shit in my head before having to worry about the shit going on in my child’s head.
Hangups I had about my body, my gender, my personality, my beliefs, my career were all weighing heavy on my shoulders at the time and I didn’t want to pass these pressures on to any spawn I ended up bringing into the world. It wouldn’t be fair on them, so I wanted to give myself time to sort my shit out and finally make some positive changes to my life. I think of all the reasons behind this blog, this one was the biggest and this one was the one I had the most success with.
I don’t want this post to prattle on too much, but basically after almost 3 years of being self aware, thinking before reacting and learning from my mistakes… I can honestly say I have grown into a strong, mostly confident, successful and proud woman. I really like myself and while I am terrified of becoming a mum, I think in the end I will make a pretty good one.
I’m sure I will have more to say on the subject later on.
Breaking this blog-goodbye into chunks sounded like a good idea to begin with but now I find I have so much I want to talk about … I’m once again making too much work for myself :P
OK so I guess this isn’t the kind of “art work” I had in mind back when I wrote this item for the list… but after having a think about it, it certainly fits the bill.
A little while back I was commissioned to create a logo for a lovely lady, she wanted an illustrated logo inspired by an old (and iconic) sign of the Skipping Girl (from Sydney Aus).
I of course got very excited and started my creative process, sketching out thumbnails of my interpretations and in the end I came up with 5 solid sketched ideas. The main 3 were;
The client ended up really loving this third option and that’s the one we went with in the end. She was really happy and so was I! And that was the end of the project…
I was cleaning my desk recently (yes you heard that right, cleaning my desk! PRAISE ME!) and i found the old sketches I did for Skippin’ Girl. Even though they were rough and just drawn on crappy print paper, I couldn’t throw them out for some reason. I really liked them! So I pinned them to my paper board and once again forgot about them for a time.
This weekend I had some time to kill and, feeling inspired by some amazing people on Tumblr and Pinterest I thought I would give bringing them old ideas to life a crack. It was purely for my own pleasure, just to see if I could have made the ideas work as logos.
I redrew them, inked them, scanned them, cleaned the lines up in photoshop, traced them in illustrator and then brought them back over to photoshop to be coloured (something I usually do in illustrator but since the project was just for me I thought WHAT THE HELL MAN LETS GO CRAYCRAY IN PS!).
I have to say, I really enjoyed the whole process.
If my old client were to see these, I know she would still pick that third option. It really worked with the style she wanted and these remakes are very far from her original idea… but as iconic logos I think they would have both worked well.
What do you think internet?
And thats the story of how I sort of cheaped out on this list item and didn’t feel bad about it one bit!
Far out so, I turn 30 in less then 2 months. In 42 days to be exact!
This has got me thinking about my list and brought me to the conclusion that, obviously, I will not be completing all 30 tasks :P
I set out with the best intentions but you know how shit gets!… Life gets in your way and commitments change and what you once thought extremely important suddenly becomes a passing fancy and then ends up fluttering off into oblivion.
Ive done so much since I started this journey though, so I am far from disappointed in myself. Before I keep going, I’m going to stop myself because I feel like this is turning into my “leaving” speech and I’m not done with things just yet!
I think theres another 5 I can do before my time is officially up… so stay tuned for some pretty random updates coming to a tumblor near you!